He wasn't you

There was just something about that relationship that didn't sit right with me. In hindsight it's clear as daylight what is was. But ignorance is a murderer and truthfully I was dead. We both were. Senseless beings just existing and floating in the now.

I don't doubt that he loved me because he did. He tried his best to treat me well. He gave me half of whatever he had because he cared. Shared his most intimate secrets with me and not once raised his hand or voice at me. He bought me beautiful things and anyone knew just by looking at him even when I was not there that he loved me. He knew my smell, laugh, touch and weaknesses. He gave me anything I asked for and did his best to make me smile. This wasn't enough for me.

No gifts, or kisses could compare to the longing I had to just bask in Christ's love. With him around me I knew God would have to leave the room. No hug or present could fulfil the deep desire I had to just pour my heart out to God. But for as long as he was near me, I knew God would walk out of the room and let us be. No caress, or soft touch from him would match up to the craving I had for the Shekineh glory to rest on me. No amount of temporal thrill could compete against The glory of God. No touch from him could stand alongside the manifest presence of the Godhead. The Zoe of the most high. I longer more for The father, son and the magnificent Holy spirit that I did for him.

And that was it...I chose God. Amen