My only coin

I walked in the dark and saw shadows moving around me
I felt the June chill against my skin
And the cold bitter raindrops fall on my head
I heard the sounds of different footsteps following me.
I looked behind in front, beside and around me I could see no-one. Nothing. But I felt something.

Too dark to move around yet too cold to keep still alone afraid,hungry and angry
I stopped and started searching the ground for something to eat,touch or embrace. I find nothing. I look down at my feet and could no longer feel my toes
I touched areas of my body with the hope of warming up my hands.
I touched my stomach,thighs,armpits and find no warmth in them. I'm freezing.

16 as so full of ideas and yet I feel my world is about to come to an end. I left home to find my freedom. Its here and I have nothing to do with it. Overwhelmed by it, it seems as though my freedom from rules and curfews is killing me fast.

Not even recognised as an adult in this country yet,but I feel death is calling me. With nothing else going for me I will respond to its calls. I've ignored Gods numerous calls. I'm too proud to return his missed calls. My pride won't let me respond. So answering to death is easier. No effort no commitment no air-time required.

The darkness that surrounds me is too much for me to bare.
I have fallen my times and have picked myself up
I have seen the silhouettes of strangers walk past me and tug at my arms. Tug for my life and body.
At times I have given in at times I fight. I have felt evil brush itself against my shoulders and call itself my friend.

Broken and in tatters I've had it, tonight it's enough now. I will do the one thing
My mother always told me to do. The one thing I never consider. With my only coin between me and death, I'll do it...

I'm gonna have pride for supper and call God. I'll chew it slowly and swallow it quick. What do I say? What if he doesn't answer? Does he have caller I.D ? Or did he delete my number? Will it go to voicemail? What do I say?
How do I address him/her/it ??????
I dial the number.
It's ringing...