Don't come in!

Wait, don't come in yet. I can't let you in my house because I'm not decent. I'm not appropriately dressed and I don't want you to see me as I am. I'm naked and ashamed right now. I have scars just under my breasts that would get in the way of our intimacy. You wouldn't understand how or why I have them, long story. You would find them hideous and shy away from me and not love me like you ought to. I have sores on my legs that refuse to heal and until they do please just leave me alone. Don't knock on my door just yet because the scabs from playing in and with dirt have left ugly marks on my arms, you might reject me because of it. My calloused feet and hands from the hard labour and walking I did as a kid. So let me use the backdoor and run quickly to the chemist to get bio oil, a scrub and skin evening creams. I won't be too long I promise, but give me some time to heal before you come into my room and life. I want you to see me at my best, so let me tone up my body because you probably hate cellulite. The stretchmarks on my thighs will go away in about 3 months if I use this product twice a day everyday after every bath. Wait for me, please. It will work I promise. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I have bra stap marks on my shoulders, that too, I'm working on it. It doesn't look nice so by January next year I'll be everything you'd want in a wife. I'm also working on my confidence, by the time you arrive I'll be a Proverbs 31:10-30 woman stru. I give you my word. I would have known the bible inside out and be the preachers wife that will make you look good. We will enter that congregation strong, and look darn good while doing so! I'll learn to walk in heels and will by then rock a killer weave. I know it's what you like. Haa Sthandwa sami...when we meet again, I'll be perfect for you. Watch. See, I'm going for counselling to work on my daddy issues so I won't bother you in my marriage about an argument I had with the old man about money or something silly like that. I'm serious, just give me till next year to sort out my short temper so that I don't affect our kids. Coz I know how you feel about short tempered women. Wait neh, I'll be perfect in a second for you. ........................................................................... 1 Year later. Hi Sweeri, let me just get you up to speed, even though I don't speak to my dad anymore I do forgive him wholeheartedly. I'm swear. I've worked on my confidence levels but I haven't quite mastered how to stand and sing in front of a group of people. I'm getting there. It's hard. My cellulite has decreased by a whole 30 percent so things are looking up. The scars under my breasts that I told you about will apparently never go away, but you will be pleased to know that my legs are as smooth as Beyonce's and yes I rock a weave better than Rihanna sho case! They say my boobs won't be perky without going under the knife, ever. Sorry. I've really tried to wear heels my love, they hurt my feet. The best I can do is 10 centimetres. I'm so sorry, but I did try. I know you probably think I should have tried harder at becoming a better person so that the little things will make our marriage work, but my love, I have issues and snap! I guess 12 months is just not enough to fix me. Look man, life can be crap, we weren't originally suppose to live in this messed up world like this. Ish happened with Ntate Adam when he gave away the lease and signed it off to the devil, so since then he has become the landlord of this earth. And because of Ntate Adams fall, this physical earth and the things that happen in it will forever be messed up. So really, I can't help it that my experiences here have somewhat made me the insecure old girl that looks for excuses to shy away from facing my imperfections. Ya, life has indeed messed me up, as a kid an aunts remarks have stuck in my head. People's opinions about me at work have influenced me who I am in the office. I friends actions have made me distance myself from forming close friendships. A cousins remarks have made me insecure. But in the 12 months I spent trying to perfect myself for you I learnt that even though Ntate Adam messed up big time, Bra Jesus came through to give us the tools to not just cope with life but to excel and conquer while we are here. He said that we were diplomats and only here for a while. We are here to claim back all that guy thought he took from us. But, during these 12 months the one thing I've learnt that stood out for me is the fact that...this body I'm trying to perfect is just flesh. It will remain behind, who I really am, is the spirit inside it. So whether or not by booty is big (it's not) or my boobs are perky (they're not) or whether my cellulite has gone (it's still there) I'm actually more beautiful inside than what you see outside. So if you are indeed my husband and don't mind my imperfections because you know that they don't define me, I'll leave the door to my bedroom unlocked. Come in if you want to.