My house-my soul

I was the type of girl who used to never step outside the house. I'd keep my door locked and stay in my house reading books, praising and talking to God. Then I needed new things in my house to make it better and look more like a home. So I'd tell God about how I want to extend it, get new furniture, a new TV, microwave and revamp the kitchen. God didn't answer, then we he eventually did he said he would get me all that my heart desired I just needed to wait a bit. So I did. I waited. And waited. Nothing happened. I reminded him but nothing seemed to happen. Instead he told me to remember that he never breaks his promises I just need to believe and wait for when the time was right. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I got so mad at waiting for furniture which seemed to never come, I didn't get why it was taking so long. Was he still growing the tree to make the wood for the table or something? If he owns the universe like he claims he does,why can't he just bring all the stuff he promised now? If he wants the best for me where or what is the delay? I started to become bitter and doubt his so called powers. He took too long so I thought he was a liar he didn't own everything, didn't make microwaves or plasma's. He didn't have fancy carpets and would not bring me my leather seats as discussed. To me he went from being this affectionate companion who lived in my house to being a liar who just enjoyed watching me sit on horrible seats with a black and white TV set and a metal TV stand. He probably enjoyed watching me suffer and liked seeing me bored out of my skull. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I had enough of sitting around playing with my snot all alone in that dull house. Then one day a guy came and knocked on my door. I looked out the window and saw it was not God. He is the only man who is allowed into my house, so seeing someone standing there gave me a huge fright! I peeped through the window and asked what he wanted. He asked me for a glass of water he was thirsty. I said no and told him to leave. He came back the next day with a beautiful Xhosa designed vase. It was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen. He asked again if he could come into my house just to have a visit. So attracted by the colours I let him in. He put the vase down and I told him I loved it. The brother came to visit a few times until he realised he needed to go back to his home. I asked him to stay coz I was alone. He did. One day the vase he brought fell and got a crack, I started hating it I then told him to leave because his vase was no longer beautiful to me. He left. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx A while later another knock came and he had a table so beautiful it had Venda patterns all over it. So bright and pretty I invited him in before he even said his name. He was sweet and thought my house was nice. He complimented my kitchen and thought my vase and dull furniture wasn't a problem. He was accommodating towards my imperfections. He brought me lots of colourful flowers to add to my house and thought it would make it look more pretty. I hated the flowers because they made me sick. I was allergic to the smell and asked him to leave and never come back. Reluctant and apologetic he eventually left. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I looked at what my house was becoming, a colourful mess full of dying flowers a broken vase with no God in it. I wept. Still mad at God I refused to call him to come back home. Coz it was his fault that things turned out the way they did. While trying to tidy up my place all alone there was once again I knock at my door. There stood a small man with hope in his eyes with the most beautiful Xhosa couch I'd ever seen. I told him it was nice, he said I could have it. I thought about it and stood back before I let him in. After a long time I opened the door. The couch was perfect for the living room from outside. He brought it in and we sat together. I started to fall madly in love with the couch. He fell in love with me and my house. He got so comfortable living with me he started to move all his furniture into my house. So much so I started losing track of what is mine and what was his. It became cluttered and hard to walk into. I couldn't find my way and got buried in his filth. His room divider blocked the light from coming through the windows and I lived in the dark. I couldn't open windows because he thought people would want to steal our stuff. He kept the door lock so no one could come in and I started to suffocate in the crap which I thought was furniture. I lost balance and could not walk in my own house anymore. I stumbled each time I tried to leave. The volume on the TV was turned up so high he couldn't hear me when I asked him to go. The smell of the flowers made me weak, the cracked vase eventually fell and broke. In a mess and state of confusion, helpless and afraid at who I had turned out to be I shouted out to God to save me before I died and lost myself to this man and his strange furniture! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Out of my closet he came, he held me tight and said I should trust him. I closed my eyes and the man, his couch, the vase and flowers disappeared. The light came back into my life windows were open and air filled my lungs. God taught me again how to walk. How to cook for myself, wash and love who I was. Even though I was no longer the same, he said his love for me remained. I had found myself again after years of being lost. I apologised to the only man who had loved me without trying to change the essence of who I was. He welcomed me as if nothing had happened. He just continued from where we left off without reminding me of the mess id created for myself. He bought me a mirror so beautiful he said it was for me to use when the past of the visitors would come back into my mind. He said the mirror was a reflection of his love for me. Each time I could stand before and see myself looking back, I should know that he is alive inside me. One day while God and I sat in my lounge talking about the delivery of my new furniture there was a knock at the door. God looked at me and smiled. I jumped up with joy and asked God if it was time, he hugged me, kissed me on my forehead and said yes.I opened the door and a tall man stood. I was scared of him and stepped backwards. God helped me up. I turned around to close the door, intimidated by the young man. With my back against the closed door I cried and told God I didn't want to let him in coz I was scared he'd change my house and I was more scared that I would let him. God held my shoulders and wiped my tears. He whispered in my ear the promises he had made to me. He held me as I wept and told me he loved me. With God behind me, my head up and back straight, I opened the door. I looked at the tall man. He turned around to point at the magnificent furniture he had in his truck. I kept quiet and just looked at him. As if he saw what was happening in my spirit soul and mind he straightened his back looked me in the eye and said "I love you".